she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
