i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
