Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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