you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
