is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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