Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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