I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
