I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want to make out with him forever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
