went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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