I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
