he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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