he thought i was a dude.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
