I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
