This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
