I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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