my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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