you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
