FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
