Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
