i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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