My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
