Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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