I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
