eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
