quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Semen is not good for contacts.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
