I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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