Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
