a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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