I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
