And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
