First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
