I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
