it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
