The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
