Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
