I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Non-Jews are for practice
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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