My room smells like vodka and shame
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
