3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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