According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
