38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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