Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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