Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
