U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
