I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
