1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
