we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
