i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
