No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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