butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she told me i tasted like america
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
