that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
