i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
