My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
