I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
