Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
